CAPTION CONTEST

Hey check these following pictures out and if you can think of a caption to put under them, post it on KozChat. In the near future, I'll post all of the captions and authors here. I'm pretty poor so I don't know that I'll be able to come up with a prize for the best one (let alone try to PICK the best one!). So far they're all hilarious....

CONTEST RULES: I changed the rules...NO RULES except that you need to keep them semi-clean since they're being posted on KozChat.

IN THE FUTURE: I have TONS of other pictures like this that we could have LOADS of fun with. Let me know if you want me to put more up...or if you have some, feel free to e-mail or snail mail them to me!

 HARVEY:

What a commercial for "Got Milk?" looks like just seconds before the ad shot is taken.....Ha!!!

10- "Rules say you have to hold this silly cup in your mouth while signing"

9-"Not tonight Mr.Koz, I'm on duty"

8-"So what are you really going as for Halloween?"

7-"No,I don't have a designated signer"

6-"This is how I really get OFF THE BEATEN PATH!"

5- "Gee Janet, this really does help my sinus"

4- "I wonder if they have these cups in bigger sizes?"

3-"But I've already signed THAT!"

2-"Where do I sign up for the EAST COAST trip??"

#1-"You should see the three butts I'm putting at the top of this page!!"

ELIZABETH:

1- (Dave speaking) "Hey QJ would you autograph my cup for me?"

2- (Dave speaking again) "Would you mind taking this pen before I spill this drink down my pants?"

3- (QJ this time) "Dave, you need to get help for this drinking problem of yours."

4- (Dave speaking) I wonder what would happened if I double click on THIS www.davekoz.com? (which explains the look on QJ's face)

VIKI:

(Dave speaking) OK Janet, YOU sign the next 50 body parts while I finish my cafe mocha.

(Janet speaking) Hey you, Dave isn't signing THAT! I don't care how many shots you put in his drink. Put your clothes back on!

SUSAN N:

Janet says: "Oww! Dave you are squeezing me too tight!

Dave says: "Mfff mfff! mff mff mfff!" (translation- I need one of those hats that holds a drink and has a straw- Right now!)

Janet says:" You better not write anything on my nice tee-shirt!"

Dave says: "Hmm Hmm." - (translation- maybe I can use this pen as a straw!)

SUSANJ:

1- QJ auditions for Dave's next tour by singing "I'll Be There" into Dave's pen MIC. (I think Dave is wincing...or throwing up into the cup.)

2- QJ: "Dave, what is that thing growing on your lower lip???"

3- Dave: (thinking) "I'm too sexy for my cup."

4- QJ: "My tongue is out, autograph it!"

BARB:

QJ: Hey Dave, that's MY drink!

DAVE: Oh but I really need it bad, here I'll trade ya for this pen. It doubles as a spy phone!

LAURIE:

1. JANET: Great technique Dave. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrious!!!

2. DAVE: Ummmmmmmmm....

JANET: You can say THAT again. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it!

CLAIRE:

Dave to QJ:'No use crying over spilled latte,Janet!'

Janet:'Yeah right!'

RICHARD:

1- No Dave...Not the rectal thermometer again!!

2- Dave you want to stick the pen...where??!!

JEANNETTE:

"Oie Vey - you want me to do what with that pen????!!!"

"I'm not wearing my cups that way Dave!!no matter how hard you beg!!!"

NORALAINE

Dave: " Look Ma, no hands! "

QJ: " Hey Dave, let's see do that trick with your saxophone. I wonder how long you'd be able to hold it."

Dave: " QJ, why don't you hold that thought for me." ...note QJ's expression on her face holding a thought for Dave.

BARB:

DAVE - Goodbye all you Crazy Kozzers

ANYA: No, No, wait for me!!!!!

SUSANJ:

1- Dave: "Anya! Look out! You're not supposed to run backwards in heels!"

2- Dave (again): "Hey! Wait! Are you Anya??? Can I get your autograph?"

3- Anya: "Dave, you can't get away from me! Come back here, right now!"

ANYA:

Anya: "Aw, come on Dave, please..."

Dave: "You want me to sign WHAT body part???!!!!"

CLAIRE:

Dave to Anya:'I'm headed East now to unite the KozChat group!! We need to be one happy family...it's for a good Koz!'

Anya:"Dave,'Don't Look Back'!I'm 'Under The Spell Of The Moon'and I'll 'Leave The Light On' for you to return!"

JEANNETTE:

Anya - "Oh Dave You light up my life!!"

ELIZABETH:

"WAIT! Take me with you! I can hold your cup for you while you sign people's t-shirts!"

YO

"Yes officer, I certainly can see them. Yes, they're definately naked."

"Ma... bring more cookies!!"

ELIZABETH

#1. "I'd like to order a large pizza with everything on it. Can you deliver it backstage in ten minutes? And don't forget the beer."

#2. "MOM! I asked you not to call me while I'm working! Yes, I'm eating right and getting plenty of rest."

#3. "Ok... A loaf of bread, a gallon of milk... what else do you want me to pick up at the store on my way home?"

#4. "NO! Honest, officer, that wasn't ME in that Izisu Trooper that buzzed past you at the speed of light. How did you get this number, anyway? What do you MEAN you have my number on "speed dial"?

BARB

DAVE: Sound man! Yea, I'm getting some feedback here, I need you to take care of it!

DAVE: No officer, I believe I paid that moving violation fine. You can't arrest me now, I'm right in the middle of a show.

DAVE: No, I DON'T want to switch to AT&T!

DAVE: Dentist appointment next week? Well, okay thanks for calling!

DAVE: Is this Backrub Barb? AAAHHHHH, my low back's really bugging me, could I get a massage right after the show?

DAVE: Hi, I'd like to send a dozen roses to Toni Braxton. And please, don't let her return them this time.

LIL

"No, I don't take requests via cell phone, when I'm on stage!"

"Can I get anchovies on that pizza."

JOHN E

"Yeah, you can just make the show if you hurry. .... Uh, the artist tonight? .....Some saxophone player........ Maybe you have even heard of him...."

HARVEY

10- "No, this isn't Paul Riser!"

9-"Sucide Hotline, yes I'll hold..."

8-"Whatta ya mean I'm the eleventh caller?"

7- "8-6-7-5-3-0-nine, Jenny,Jenny..."

6-"Dial-a-prayer? Go to Where?"

5-"What do you mean, ROAMING charges?"

4- "Well first thing ya know is your eating HO-HO's near a boat, then you're ON the East Coast!"

3-"Yes roomservice, I would like my bed turned down and those cute little mints on the pillow..."

2-"The itenary said West coast NOT East Coast! You guys get here now..."

1-"I hate when I call that 900 number instead of the 800 number...."

JEANNETTE

"No Mr. President, I'm not interested in your interns."

"Okay QJ, I'll do 'Flat Feet' just for you".

"But Mom, you forgot the CC cookies, I can't perform with out them."

LAURIE

"They don't call me the PIED PIPER for nothin'...."

ET...phone home!

Hello...do you have Prince Albert in a can? (Pause for response) Well, you'd better let him out!!

NORALAINE

1.DAVE(speaking): "Hello.Hello." CALLER(breathing hard) :-)

2.CALLER(You have a collect call from...Caller, please say your name...Will you accept the call?"

3.DAVE(speaking): " No, Mr. President. You can't borrow my sax right now."

4.CALLER(speaking): " Hi! You've just won a free trip to Mexico. Please give me your credit card number to have your price processed. "

5.DAVE(speaking): " Yes, Ma, I took my vitamins this morning before I left for the show."

6.DAVE(speaking): "Hello. Dave Koz speaking." CALLER(speaking): "Ooops, sorry, wrong number. I wanted Kenny G. Hee, hee, hee."

SUSAN N

Dave says: "Yes, Mom, I am wearing a clean shirt and clean underwear!"

Dave says: "Yes, you can borrow my Spice Girls CD, but don't break it!"

CLAIRE

Hello, Jim could you be my "Partner In Crime?"

SUSANJ

"You know, Julian, I realllly want to hook up with your band. If you'll just give me a chance."

"Yes, I see you back there. I'm sorry you didn't get here early enough to get better seats. Please don't call me again, I'm trying to do a concert here." 

BARB

1).I'm sad as sad can be I must say, koz Dave isn't coming to Seattle this year for the CFC tour. I thought we could be, like, best friends, ya know!

2).I can't believe he said he wouldn't FOLLOW ME HOME! I even told him I'd LEAVE THE LIGHT ON! I guess this is a WAKE UP CALL! He said "I'll BE THERE"!!! LET ME COUNT THE WAYS I have been disappointed tonight. I'M READY to find myself a new LUCKY MAN!

ELIZABETH

1). DARN! What was I going to ask Dave? I can never remember ANYTHING when he's this close!

2). I wish this really cute guy would stop hugging me so I could go do something really fun, like have a root canal.

3). What do you mean I can't become the official Dave Koz Band masseuse??? (sorry, I can't spell that either)

4). That's MY cup! Don't even THINK about doing that "cup in the mouth" trick with me, buddy!

5). What do you mean Dave has to go do his show? I'm not finished talking with him!

6). I don't know WHY Dave won't let ME use that cell phone.

7). Did I mention that I really HATE being hugged by really cute, not to mention talented, guys?

8). (in honor of Sunday football...) If he thinks I'm actually going to TAKE that bet on the Seahawks/49ers game, he's crazy!

SUSANJ

1)."I wish this guy would quit thinking he can just put his arm around me any time he darn well pleases."

2)."This guy can put his arm around me ANY time he darn well pleases. I just wish I didn't have this black stuff on my teeth or I would smile!"

SUSAN N

"I am so happy to be here talking to Dave, but I really have to go to the bathroom!"

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